Tangled Tapestry

A new song from Laura Story called "Blessings" has recently captured my attention as I continue to seek out why this life is full of so much pain and heartbreak for so many.



Then on the anniversary of Chrissie's homecoming, her mother wrote this post. This passage really struck me:

I know that God is weaving a beautiful tapestry, but I'm totally stuck on the back side of that tapestry.  I'm tangled among all of the other strings, in knots, where nothing looks pretty or organized or predictable, no matter what angle I look at it.  But to those standing on the other side of the tapestry, they stand in awe of the beauty that exists on the other side.  Right now, I think the other side of the tapestry is heaven.  I'm not sure I'll ever see the beauty of this tapestry here on earth, but what a glorious day it will be to actually see the tapestry and appreciate its beauty.

I read that and I thought "That's it! That's a perfect way to explain all this mess and pain and suffering here on earth." I cross-stitch every now and then so I totally get the analogy. The front looks great but the back is a mess of strings and knots and crossed colors. I've tried to stitch in a way to make the back look as good as the front by not taking shortcuts and such but eventually came to realize there are times when you just can't get the design on the front to look the way it's supposed to be unless there is some mess on the back.
 
Could it be the same for God? Could it be that He is weaving something beautiful on the other side out of the mess on this side? I'm not suggesting that He is sacrificing us to get the results. But like Laura Story's song suggests that even with the greatest of care, sometimes we can't get to the blessings, to the beauty, to the glory, without first getting tangled and knotted and crossed. Could it be He is stitching Himself into our lives as we face the trials and difficulties so that when we get to the other side, we are entwined with Him in an unbreakable, forever way? Is every knot in our life really a foothold on the rope to eternity, allowing us to climb a little farther, get a little closer? Are they really blessings that help us on the way, if we will just see the truth about them?

If so, I don't think that it lessens the pain any, but I do think it provides hope that the pain is not all there is. There is a reason to press on, to keep climbing, to keep drawing closer to the One who loves us enough to redeem us from the pit.

For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. - Romans 8:19-21

Someday, we will see how these knots and tangles have transformed us into something unutterably beautiful.

She Wasn't Afraid To Be Happy

A few weeks ago I was asked to pray for a little girl in the hospital after heart surgery. I didn't want to. Too many of these end up with parents saying goodbye to their children. Still, we have to do what is put right in front of us. So I prayed. I followed. I watched God do many miracles in this girl's life. I thought this one was going to turn out differently. But it didn't. She went to be with Jesus on May 19.

I just watched her celebration of life videos and in one of them her sister said something that really struck me - "She wasn't afraid to be happy." Upon reflection, I know that at nearly 44, the same could not be said of me.

Goal setters always try to have you think of what you'd want said of you at your funeral, write your own eulogy/obiturary and all that, and then live your life so that is what is said of you. I've always struggled with that. I've never been able to come up with anything. Now, I think I know.

God has been working on me for the last few years about not allowing my circumstances to determine my joy. I have been richly blessed by God, certainly more than I deserve. I know that. And yet, I have allowed almost any excuse to temper that joy. Other people aren't so fortunate. It could end at any time. Really, if you look, you can always find a reason to not be happy.

Chrissie had everything stacked against her and yet she chose to be happy anyway. And make no mistake, it's not that it came naturally to her, anymore than it does to any of us. She fought hard. She was a warrior princess of the kingdom. It takes real courage to not be afraid to be happy in this life.

I want people to be able to say of me at the end of my life - "She wasn't afraid to be happy." But frankly, that idea kind of scares me. What would my life look like if that were to be true? Is that why there is so much unhappiness in the world? It takes work to be happy. You're constantly fighting an uphill battle against the tide of circumstances. It takes courage to fight that fight every moment of every day and not grow weary. You really do have to "boss your heart" to keep it choosing joy despite circumstances. There's no coasting. I seriously doubt I have Chrissie's courage to do this...but I have her example.

The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat,  the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them. - Isaiah 11:6

Thank you Chrissie for teaching me about "bossing your heart" and not being afraid to be happy.

Have vs. Have Not

My church is going through the book of Genesis this year and I have found it very enlightening to learn more about the foundational truths of my faith. One particular sermon about Adam and Eve and sin entering the world has stayed with me for the last several weeks.

In particular what has captured me was the statement that "the heart of every sin is to cause us to doubt God's goodness, to dwell on what we don't have instead of what we do have."

God's words to Adam:

And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." - Genesis 2:16-17

Satan's words to Eve:

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" - Genesis 3:1

The difference in the language is subtle but it's there and it makes all the difference. I'd noticed it before but could never put my finger on what it was really until this sermon. God's words focus on provision (You are free to eat from any tree). Satan's words focus on prohibition (You must not eat from any tree).

With the focus on the restriction, Eve magnified the restriction (adding you must not touch the tree) and began to lose sight of what she did have, what had been provided to her.

The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' " - Genesis 3:2-3

This focus on what we don't have, what God doesn't give us, is the heart of sin and it always leads to death and destruction. We equate not having with not deserving and this leads us to self-promotion and self-protection. (I'll show you who deserves this, who is right, etc.). We become hiders and attackers. Joy, peace, fellowship, etc. die.

I have always wondered how people in dire circumstances - believers in third world countries, Christian martyrs, people going through tremendous trials such as a child with a terrible illness, etc. - can face such circumstances with such faith, even joy.

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. - Habakuk 3:17-18

In the Bible, Job is the quintessential example of this. Seemingly everything was taken from him and he cried out to God for answers and after much counsel and wrestling God answers Job by recounting his power and sovereignty, (Job 38-39) Job replies:

I am unworthy—how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer— twice, but I will say no more." - Job 40:4-5

Job finally realizes that if he focuses on who God is and His goodness and the power of that goodness, that that is enough. God is God and He is with us. And that truly is enough.

Now, at last, I believe I understand. We are brought to our knees by our circumstances but we have a choice:  We can focus on what we don't have and be overwhelmed by grief or we can focus on what we do have and be overwhelmed by gratitude.

This has really had a profound influence on my life in the last few weeks. We have been going through some trials in the last year or two. Mild compared to most people but definitely tempting us to focus on what we don't have and think we should. It has been truly a blessing to me these last few weeks to change my focus to the abundance of blessings God has provided to me (and I am staggered by the volume of them when I bother to really think about them). I have been able to realize that the things I want but don't have are much easier to let go of. My stress has greatly decreased as a result of changing my focus. And my joy has increased immeasurably as a result.

For the first time in my faith life, I really am starting to get that it truly is enough that God has provided for me everything I really need, that anything I don't have is not good for me (no matter how much I would like to think it is). I am finally moving toward being able to truly live that it is enough that Christ died for me. And I am finding there is true freedom in that realization. I am less and less bound to fear because of what I don't have or might lose. I already have what can never be taken from me - the love and provision of the mighty God, Creator of the Universe. Wow!