Not Worth Comparing

Recently I saw a video of Stephen Fry, an atheist, answering a question about what he would say to God if it turns out He is in fact real.

His answer is the classic, a God that allows the kind of pain and suffering we experience on this earth ("bone cancer in children, what's that about?) cannot be good. If he is all-powerful then He could make all of the bad things not be. The fact that he doesn't means he is either not all-powerful (i.e. not really God) or not good (and therefore why would we bother with Him).

As a Christian, that sort of thing tends to make me a tad angry because it so misses the point. As a Christian who came to faith late in life, it is quickly replaced by sadness. I was there once. I remember having that same point of view. I remember the agonizing days and weeks and months and years spent pondering how anything matters in a world so marked by suffering and evil. But dismissing God and trying to go about as if this life is the only one that matters doesn't cut it either. There's no incentive for goodness. There is only the utter selfishness that leads to the pain and suffering we inflict on each other, which is just as horrendous as the circumstantial ones of cancer and accidents, if not more so because they are intentional. The abuse and torture we inflict on each other makes us as mean spirited as Stephen Fry claims an all-powerful God who doesn't intervene is.

But then that is of course what atheists are looking for - the same lie that entrapped Satan and with which he entrapped Adam and Eve - we can be like God, knowing good and evil and we will of course, somehow naturally choose good if only we had the power. But whose good? I took an entire philosophy course in college that was essentially on how do you define good in any kind of absolute terms. You can't with logic alone. There has to be some reference point or its all relative and then you get existentialism.

What I know from my own journey from Stephen Fry's point of view to becoming a Christian is that human beings generally crave goodness, for ourselves and for others. That can be perverted when we become convinced we aren't getting it and can't get it and then we seek to deprive it of anyone we perceive to have it. But goodness is what we are seeking. So when confronted with the perversion of it in the form of pain and suffering, we naturally recoil from it and seek to control it, to restore it to something good. And we are angry and disheartened when we can't. But surely a perfect, all-powerful God can and would? The leap of faith comes in when we realize that expecting God to right every wrong and painful thing in the world right now is making God too small. We want a God who thinks like us, sees like us but has more power than us to do what we want but cannot do. But see that's where we miss it - if He is more powerful than us, there is a really good chance He doesn't think like us and an even better chance that He sees what we don't see and that is why He doesn't act like we want Him to act in the pain and suffering we see. We want a powerful God who looks at things from our perspective not the perspective of His power. We want His power but not His perspective.

I came to understand this while a good friend was dealing with the revelation that her husband had molested their daughters and the struggle to keep them safe as she divorced him and made a new life. My heart cried out to God, "how could you let this happen?" I was brought to Romans 8:18...

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us "

All of a sudden it hit me, if our present sufferings (which are beyond horrible and immense and stupid and overwhelming) are not worth comparing with the glory to come, then how great is that glory?

I can't even imagine anything that would make what my friend and her daughters suffered not worth comparing. I know that Christians tend to respond to the "problem of pain" argument made by people like Stephen Fry with the parents let their children fall while they are learning to walk and God is doing the same with us argument. But that doesn't cut it because the distance between the value of walking and the pain of a wobbly fall is too short. What could possibly make the suffering of sexual abuse by someone on whom you were completely dependent equivalent to a wobbly fall while learning to walk? Oh we rush in to say oh nothing could. That's why God can't be good, why He should intervene to prevent it from happening. But what if there is something? Think. About. That. For. A. Moment. Try to wrap your brain around that for Just. One. Moment. What if there exists something so good, so glorious that it would make the bone cancer in children, torture, rape, stillbirth, and on and on not worth comparing?

We don't want to know what might be being weaved by something that we have judged as unacceptably painful. We don't want to experience the pain or watch others experience the pain. We want it to not ever happen or to be over now. Pain and suffering and injustice and misery is wrong ("utterly, utterly evil") and a good God would not allow that, right?

What if He is in fact, right now, in the process of ending all suffering just like we want Him to? He went to the cross for us. Our choice to try to be like Him (get his power without His perspective) separated us from Him and sent us into a world of pain and suffering and He refused to leave us there. He could have. It was our choice. But His love for us made it impossible. He suffered and died and went to Hell so we would know He has looked at the world from our perspective. He understands suffering because He chose to enter into it out of love when He didn't "have" to. He was powerful enough to not have to endure it for Himself but He chose to endure it for us because He knew He was the only one who was powerful enough to redeem it. What if that is what He is doing to end our misery once for all? He knows exactly what we are going through and He has made a way for us to not suffer the consequence of our choice, to restore us not only to our former position but to His position as His heirs...to have His perspective at last.

Once I realized this, I released the "problem of pain" as a barrier between me and God. It really wasn't too long after that I accepted Christ as my savior. I still cry out to God "why?" over suffering and evil in the world. A friend who lost a husband and is left with two young children. Two mothers who have lost their children to brain cancer. Another whose baby died at 12 days old. People who behead other people. Bombs that go off in public places. Girls who are kidnapped for going to school. And the list goes on. I choose to believe that there is absolute goodness that will end misery once and for all for all eternity.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelation 21:4).

Our good and powerful God IS doing something about pain and misery and suffering. You don't like His terms, Stephen Fry. I get that. I have to say I wouldn't pick them either if I had the power. I'd choose for us to have never left the garden. But we don't know His perspective. You think it's the same as yours (or mine or anyone else's) and it's not. It's. Just. Not. Your god is too small and it is right that you reject that too small god. I reject that god. But the God of the Universe? The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob? The God who became flesh and took on ALL of the suffering you demand not exist to make it possible for ALL of the misery to end FOREVER? That God I humbly embrace. That God has a glory that trumps all of the evil that has ever existed or ever will exist waiting for those who will simply receive it. Don't have to earn it. Don't need to be perfect. Just walk through the gates and say "thank you." And I am counting on it bringing me to my knees in gratitude and worship 'cause I have high expectations for it. I'm putting all of the suffering I witness up against it and expecting God to make it not worth comparing. Have no idea how that is even possible but I am betting that He is going to transform it and it will be made right.

"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." (1 Corinthians 13:12)

Just because there is misery and suffering in the world doesn't mean God isn't doing anything about it. Right. Now. Just because there is misery and suffering the world doesn't mean God isn't good. I have a sneaky suspicion that in order to have good, evil as its opposite, has to get a ride too. I don't know how you can create good without simultaneously introducing the possibility of its opposite. I suspect that free will is part of the equation in the ultimate destruction of evil. We'd like to think that an all-powerful God can create good without its opposite. Then it's His fault for evil and suffering - He created it. He created our free will to choose it in the garden. He is to blame. He shouldn't have done it that way. We wouldn't have done it that way if we had the power. See we are back to our perspective not His perspective.

Choosing not to believe in God and His son isn't going to end the problem of pain in the world. It just takes away any hope that it will ever actually truly come to an end. Believe in God now and what He did through the death and resurrection of His son and you gain the peace and hope that Someone who is powerful and good is on the job and has in fact made a way to release this world from it's pain and suffering.

Worthy

Our human minds do the spiritual math and add up our accomplishments, skills, talents, or at least the wrongs not done in an attempt to make ourselves worthy of the prize - eternal life in paradise, the paradise we gave up because we wanted more than all that had been freely given us.

None of what we had in Eden was earned by us or deserved. It was all a gift. But when it was pointed out that one gift was withheld, we reached out to take it so as to make the spiritual equation come out equal, as if that would make us whole and right, when we were already right with God. Indeed it was that act of taking that which was withheld which actually put things out of balance and the Creator had to put into action the plan to make things right again.

Yet, we still miss it. Now, we just as often go to the other extreme - we think our sin makes us unworthy of fulfilling God's purpose for us - to love God and to love others. We insist on waiting until we are worthy - thinner, more successful, kinder. We think we are protecting God and others from our unworthiness, our sinfulness. Just as Adam and Eve hid from God in the garden, we seek to hide from our purpose to simply love God and love others. It is a self protective measure to keep us from being emptied of our love and to receive nothing in return.

But when we focus on His grace and revel in His assessment that we are worthy because He made us,then we receive the measure that makes the equation balance, makes us whole. His grace plus our gratitude equals love flowing.

Tangled Tapestry

A new song from Laura Story called "Blessings" has recently captured my attention as I continue to seek out why this life is full of so much pain and heartbreak for so many.



Then on the anniversary of Chrissie's homecoming, her mother wrote this post. This passage really struck me:

I know that God is weaving a beautiful tapestry, but I'm totally stuck on the back side of that tapestry.  I'm tangled among all of the other strings, in knots, where nothing looks pretty or organized or predictable, no matter what angle I look at it.  But to those standing on the other side of the tapestry, they stand in awe of the beauty that exists on the other side.  Right now, I think the other side of the tapestry is heaven.  I'm not sure I'll ever see the beauty of this tapestry here on earth, but what a glorious day it will be to actually see the tapestry and appreciate its beauty.

I read that and I thought "That's it! That's a perfect way to explain all this mess and pain and suffering here on earth." I cross-stitch every now and then so I totally get the analogy. The front looks great but the back is a mess of strings and knots and crossed colors. I've tried to stitch in a way to make the back look as good as the front by not taking shortcuts and such but eventually came to realize there are times when you just can't get the design on the front to look the way it's supposed to be unless there is some mess on the back.
 
Could it be the same for God? Could it be that He is weaving something beautiful on the other side out of the mess on this side? I'm not suggesting that He is sacrificing us to get the results. But like Laura Story's song suggests that even with the greatest of care, sometimes we can't get to the blessings, to the beauty, to the glory, without first getting tangled and knotted and crossed. Could it be He is stitching Himself into our lives as we face the trials and difficulties so that when we get to the other side, we are entwined with Him in an unbreakable, forever way? Is every knot in our life really a foothold on the rope to eternity, allowing us to climb a little farther, get a little closer? Are they really blessings that help us on the way, if we will just see the truth about them?

If so, I don't think that it lessens the pain any, but I do think it provides hope that the pain is not all there is. There is a reason to press on, to keep climbing, to keep drawing closer to the One who loves us enough to redeem us from the pit.

For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. - Romans 8:19-21

Someday, we will see how these knots and tangles have transformed us into something unutterably beautiful.

She Wasn't Afraid To Be Happy

A few weeks ago I was asked to pray for a little girl in the hospital after heart surgery. I didn't want to. Too many of these end up with parents saying goodbye to their children. Still, we have to do what is put right in front of us. So I prayed. I followed. I watched God do many miracles in this girl's life. I thought this one was going to turn out differently. But it didn't. She went to be with Jesus on May 19.

I just watched her celebration of life videos and in one of them her sister said something that really struck me - "She wasn't afraid to be happy." Upon reflection, I know that at nearly 44, the same could not be said of me.

Goal setters always try to have you think of what you'd want said of you at your funeral, write your own eulogy/obiturary and all that, and then live your life so that is what is said of you. I've always struggled with that. I've never been able to come up with anything. Now, I think I know.

God has been working on me for the last few years about not allowing my circumstances to determine my joy. I have been richly blessed by God, certainly more than I deserve. I know that. And yet, I have allowed almost any excuse to temper that joy. Other people aren't so fortunate. It could end at any time. Really, if you look, you can always find a reason to not be happy.

Chrissie had everything stacked against her and yet she chose to be happy anyway. And make no mistake, it's not that it came naturally to her, anymore than it does to any of us. She fought hard. She was a warrior princess of the kingdom. It takes real courage to not be afraid to be happy in this life.

I want people to be able to say of me at the end of my life - "She wasn't afraid to be happy." But frankly, that idea kind of scares me. What would my life look like if that were to be true? Is that why there is so much unhappiness in the world? It takes work to be happy. You're constantly fighting an uphill battle against the tide of circumstances. It takes courage to fight that fight every moment of every day and not grow weary. You really do have to "boss your heart" to keep it choosing joy despite circumstances. There's no coasting. I seriously doubt I have Chrissie's courage to do this...but I have her example.

The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat,  the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them. - Isaiah 11:6

Thank you Chrissie for teaching me about "bossing your heart" and not being afraid to be happy.

Have vs. Have Not

My church is going through the book of Genesis this year and I have found it very enlightening to learn more about the foundational truths of my faith. One particular sermon about Adam and Eve and sin entering the world has stayed with me for the last several weeks.

In particular what has captured me was the statement that "the heart of every sin is to cause us to doubt God's goodness, to dwell on what we don't have instead of what we do have."

God's words to Adam:

And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." - Genesis 2:16-17

Satan's words to Eve:

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" - Genesis 3:1

The difference in the language is subtle but it's there and it makes all the difference. I'd noticed it before but could never put my finger on what it was really until this sermon. God's words focus on provision (You are free to eat from any tree). Satan's words focus on prohibition (You must not eat from any tree).

With the focus on the restriction, Eve magnified the restriction (adding you must not touch the tree) and began to lose sight of what she did have, what had been provided to her.

The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' " - Genesis 3:2-3

This focus on what we don't have, what God doesn't give us, is the heart of sin and it always leads to death and destruction. We equate not having with not deserving and this leads us to self-promotion and self-protection. (I'll show you who deserves this, who is right, etc.). We become hiders and attackers. Joy, peace, fellowship, etc. die.

I have always wondered how people in dire circumstances - believers in third world countries, Christian martyrs, people going through tremendous trials such as a child with a terrible illness, etc. - can face such circumstances with such faith, even joy.

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. - Habakuk 3:17-18

In the Bible, Job is the quintessential example of this. Seemingly everything was taken from him and he cried out to God for answers and after much counsel and wrestling God answers Job by recounting his power and sovereignty, (Job 38-39) Job replies:

I am unworthy—how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer— twice, but I will say no more." - Job 40:4-5

Job finally realizes that if he focuses on who God is and His goodness and the power of that goodness, that that is enough. God is God and He is with us. And that truly is enough.

Now, at last, I believe I understand. We are brought to our knees by our circumstances but we have a choice:  We can focus on what we don't have and be overwhelmed by grief or we can focus on what we do have and be overwhelmed by gratitude.

This has really had a profound influence on my life in the last few weeks. We have been going through some trials in the last year or two. Mild compared to most people but definitely tempting us to focus on what we don't have and think we should. It has been truly a blessing to me these last few weeks to change my focus to the abundance of blessings God has provided to me (and I am staggered by the volume of them when I bother to really think about them). I have been able to realize that the things I want but don't have are much easier to let go of. My stress has greatly decreased as a result of changing my focus. And my joy has increased immeasurably as a result.

For the first time in my faith life, I really am starting to get that it truly is enough that God has provided for me everything I really need, that anything I don't have is not good for me (no matter how much I would like to think it is). I am finally moving toward being able to truly live that it is enough that Christ died for me. And I am finding there is true freedom in that realization. I am less and less bound to fear because of what I don't have or might lose. I already have what can never be taken from me - the love and provision of the mighty God, Creator of the Universe. Wow!

Receiving Living Water

We are told several places in the Bible that if we ask, we will receive.

Matthew 7:8 "For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
Matthew 21:22 "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."
Mark 11:24 "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
Luke 11:10 "For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
John 16:24 "Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."

Of course, we know that doesn't mean God is a magic genie who grants us everything we ask for. He is a good father, who knows how to give us good gifts. We get a hint of what is meant in Luke 11:13...

If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

It is the Holy Spirit that God gives to those who ask Him. Getting "stuff" or favorable circumstances is different than receiving from God. Too often, we seek to fill the God-shaped hole in our souls with stuff or favorable circumstances when what we truly need for our joy to be complete is God Himself and the Holy Spirit living in us. Indeed, we need to empty ourselves of the stuff we have shoveled into the God shaped hole so that we can position ourselves to receive the Holy Spirit.

I think we seek to fill the whole with stuff because we want to be done. We want the hole to be filled, end of story. That's how we view being satisfied. We don't ever want to be empty again or have to do the work to be filled again. When offered living water by Jesus, the woman at the well summed it up perfectly...

The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water." John 4:15

Living water fills but it doesn't stay once for always. It's a continual process of receiving but that requires letting go of what we just got in order to receive what we are continually being given. Like a river, the water in one place is never the same. It isn't stagnant. It flows so that it can bring life, changing you, nourishing you to grow and bear fruit. Death is what happens when we fill the hole once for all, trying to hold onto what we are given at one time and place. It is getting but not growing and therefore ultimately not living.

Perhaps one of the truest miracles about God is that He is both constant but ever flowing. His promise of abundant life is life that flows without end. There is no once for all getting, which always leads to death, just continual receiving that brings life and growth and joy.

Of course the trick is to let go of the desire for the tangibleness of the security that comes from getting and holding to embracing the flow and trusting the constancy of the source. That is why we ask for living water and His promise is that we will receive it through the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Fishes & Loaves

It seems every Sunday for weeks on end, my kids leave Sunday School with some sort of Fishes and Loaves craft. It is a simple story that is oft told. Indeed, the story of how Jesus fed 5,000 with a little boy's lunch of two fishes and five loaves is so well known that most of us don't truly appreciate the miracle of it or what it is meant to tell us for our lives today.

This was powerfully brought home to me recently reading a selection from the Women of Faith Amazing Freedom devotional about this story. In it Sheila Walsh points out: "He gave what he had to Jesus, and in return he got to see what God can do when heaven and earth hold hands. This miracle on a hillside is repeated over and over every day from Pittsburgh to Paris, from New York to New Zealand. It is the mystery and miracle that everyone who believes in Jesus Christ is invited to participate in -- bring all you have to the table, and see what God will do!"

She goes on to say "Too often we miss the point as daughters of the King. We look at what we have to offer, and it is clear to us that it's not enough so we hold back. Yet the fact that we don't have enough is the whole point. We are given the outrageous invitation to partner with the King of kings as lavishes his love and grace on this earth....Whatever you have today is enough. It might not look like it to you, but put into Jesus's hands, it is more than enough."

That really hit home for me as I SO often think I just don't have what it takes so why bother trying? This really made me see that all that is required of me is to bring what I do have and give it to Jesus.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. --2 Corinthians 12:9

I never got the above verse before. I didn't understand how God could use my weaknesess, without actually fixing them first. So I kept bringing them to him and expecting them to be fixed, snatching them back when He didn't fix them. Unknowingly, preventing him from using them for His miracles. Now, I'm finally beginning to get that God truly does just want me to bring me and put myself in His hands and see what He can do with what He has been given, even when it is clearly not enough in my hands.

There is freedom.

Travelling Heavenward

One of the devotions in my Bible asked the question, "What would happen if, before getting out of bed tomorrow morning, you asked yourself, 'How will I travel heavenward today?'"

I am headed home but I am still on a journey and I need to remember that how I travel is no less important than where I am going. Indeed, where I am going must influence how I journey or I will miss the blessing that awaits me. The where and the how are intertwined and cannot be separated from each other.

Matthew, Mark, and Luke all record the same essential idea from Jesus:

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul (Mark 8:36)

The same devotion also directed me to Psalm 84:

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. (Psalm 84:5)

We are on a pilgrimage to heaven and are strength is to be in the Lord on that journey and to have our hearts fixed on making the journey, even if it's difficult. It strikes me that it is very easy to have our hearts distracted from pilgrimage and where we are going. The how of the journey will quickly follow that distraction. If I find my how is messed up (I am short-tempered, lacking joy, missing the fruits of the Spirit, etc.), then I can be certain that I have also lost site of where I am going.

I believe if I can keep where I am going in mind (my heart is set on pilgrimage), then the how of my life will flow more naturally. When I focus too much on the how on its own, I end up going in circles and acting out of my own strength, which cannot bring the blessing. When I know where I am going, I receive the strength of the Lord to continue on the journey to the blessing He has prepared for me.

How will I travel heavenward today?

A Good Day

Today was a good day - a fantastic day!

In my efforts to walk in the light, I am going to try to actually write down what was good about a particular day. It seems I have a tendency to dwell on the negative and forget the blessings and today was full of blessings.

It was a holiday so I didn't have to work (and I deliberately chose not to open my work computer so I wouldn't be tempted to just "check my e-mail").

My children played nicely with each other, freeing me to do my housework. I folded and put away two loads of laundry and ran two more loads. I emptied and refilled the dishwasher. I made today and tomorrow's dinners. I vacuumed the living room. Mopped the kitchen floor (daughter peed on it).

I took the children to the party store to buy their birthday decorations. They missed out on McDonald's because they couldn't behave in one store but that was the most that went "wrong" today.

I played two games of Candyland and one game of Go Fish with my daughter. Would have played Wii boxing with my son but one of the controllers wasn't charged.

Had a pleasant dinner with my children (even though carrots were on my son's plate) and homemade chocolate ice cream (with sprinkles).

Children bathed without battling. (Kaara even managed some imaginative play with her splash around Dora on a secret submarine mission.)

Put the children to bed. Kaara fell asleep immediately and Noah and I chatted about "perfect-fantastic" days.

Designed a logo for a friend who thought it would be fun to have one.

Talked to my husband.

Finished a couple of scrapbook pages.

Thank you Lord for a whole day of blessings upon blessings, reminding me that You do know the desires of my heart and I am chosen and dearly loved.

On this Memorial Day, thank you that I live in a country where I have so much freedom and for the sacrifices of the men and women who gave all for the freedom I enjoy.

All is a lie

I recently read a devotion from Proverbs 31 ministry that just won't let go of me called All About Eve. Eve and the nature of sin and the problem of evil have really been occupying my thoughts the last few months.

This devotion pointed out the fundamental lie that Satan enticed Eve with - all is better, all is the best - God has all and He is God. He is holding out on you so you won't be equal to Him. There is more and you don't have it so you should get it for yourself. And God was holding out on Adam and Eve. He was withholding the knowledge of good AND evil because He knew how terrible the knowledge of evil is. Eve fell for the lie that all had to be better because it would be all good. It never occured to her (probably because she didn't have the knowledge of good AND evil) that "all" could include something that wasn't good.

I think we fall for the same lie still. The continual lust for more is driven from this same naive belief that "all" means only all good. We forget that "all" includes all evil as well. Would that apple be so enticing if we remembered it includes all the terrible, horrible, vileness this world can summon? The hope of Heaven is the promise that there will be no more pain, no more sorrow, all our tears will be wiped dry, evil will be overcome once and for all. And yet, I think there still lingers the trace of the lie that not having "all" means we are missing out on something...something good.

Perhaps all the terribleness of this world is to help us reach a point where we choose to believe the truth...that the only thing God is holding out on us is something we don't need and don't want, that all good is enough, more than enough, and that having it "all" does in fact lead only to ruin, destruction and death.

And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil,
for when you eat of it you will surely die." -- Genesis 2:16-17

And The Truth Will Set You Free

Two weeks ago I attended the Women of Faith Amazing Freedom conference. It was the best one I've been to yet. One of the key concepts brought up at the conference was the idea that freedom comes when you trust what you know to be true about God even when the circumstances of your life make it appear not to be true.

The quintessential example of this being the age old "problem of evil." How can God be both loving and powerful when evil, awful, absolutely horrid circumstances occur to people around the world every day? Innocent children are abused, abandoned, neglected. Does God love them but lack the power to help them? Circumstances, say that must be true or that He has the power to help them but chooses not to because He doesn't love them. Evil circumstances tempt us to say that God must be EITHER loving or powerful. He can't be both or He would intervene and end the evil circumstances. The Bible says circumstances are deceptive. The Bible tells us unequivocally who God is...

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. - 1 John 4:16

To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. - Isaiah 40:25-26

The Bible tells us what is true - God is both loving and powerful. We are called to know that is true even when circumstances tempt us to believe something else is true.

It occurs to me that the original sin in the Garden of Eden was exactly this choice. Adam and Eve walked in the Garden with God. They knew God face to face. Then they were faced with a circumstance in which they had to choose what they knew to be true about God over what appeared to be true at that particular moment.

And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” - Genesis 2:16-17

Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. - Genesis 3:4-6

Eve looked at the circumstances - seeing that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, etc. and made a decision based on the circumstances - rather, than on what she knew to be true about God.

Contrast that with Jesus's response when faced with circumstances:

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread." Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God'." - Matthew 4:1-4

Knowing God, memorizing Scripture, Bible study, praying etc. are vital to our lives because they allow us to rise above circumstances and choose to follow what we KNOW to be true about God rather than what circumstances make appear to be true.

When we know God so well that we automatically respond with what we know to be true regardless of circumstances, we begin to find true freedom.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. - John 8:32

Effort and Rest

I have been wrestling for some time with the implications of my last post about walking in the light always requiring effort and why it is so difficult to do. It occured to me that part of the difficulty arises from Jesus' promises of rest...

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." -- Matthew 11:28-29

I think we long for rest. So much of what we do that is ultimately destructive is because we are trying to numb out, veg out, just be and not do. The idea that we have to make an effort to enter into rest rather than just let it come upon us and over take us like sleep is rather disconcerting to us. And yet, that is what we are called to.

"There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience. " --Hebrews 1:9-11

This all came together for me this week when I reread a devotional that is originally from "Won by One" by Ron Rand:

In 1857 a tightrope walker named Blondin stretched a two-inch cable across the gorge of the Niagara Falls, attracting a large crowd. He said to the onlookers, "How many of you believe that I can carry the weight of a man on my shoulders across this gorge?" The crowd shouted and cheered their belief that he could do it. Sure enough, Blondin picked up a sack of sand weighing about 180 pounds and carried it across the falls.

Then Blondin said, "How many of you believe that I can actually carry a person across the gorge?" Many people in the crowd indicated that they thought he could do it. Then Blondin called out, "Which one of you will climb on my shoulders and let me carry you across the falls?" Suddenly there was silence. Everyone wanted to see Blondin person across the gorge and many believed he could. But nobody wanted to put his life in Blondin's hands.

Some time later, Blondin did carry a man across Niagara Falls. The man was Blondin's manager, who had known the tightrope walker personally for many years. "You must not trust your own feelings, but mine," Blondin told his manager as they prepared for the crossing. "You will feel like turning when we don't need to turn. And if you trust your feelings, we will both fall. You must become part of me." (emphasis added)

That's when it all started coming together for me. We want to be carried but we don't want to do the work of TRUSTING the one who carries us. We don't want to feel like turning when we don't need to turn. We just want to be part of him, to be one and not question, to know his ways and do them because we understand what He is doing.

But that is not the deal. We know he is 100% able to do what he is offering. We KNOW it. We've seen him do it in other's lives, maybe at times even in our own. (Just imagine how many people would have taken Blondin up on the offer to go across the tightrope if there were a hungry lion prowling around.) No the deal is to trust him and move with him when we don't understand what He is doing or why. We put our trust in His ability and who He is not in our understanding of what He is doing. This has given fresh perspective for me to the well known verse:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -- Proverbs 3:5-6

I am now starting to look at challenges in my life to do what I know I should...but resist because well, frankly, I just don't want to (eat right, exercise, consider other's needs ahead of my own, walk in the light)...from the perspective of is this me wanting to turn when we don't need to? Am I resting in His ability, acknowledging Him and allowing Him to make the way for us? His peace comes when we understand that we don't need to understand WHAT, we just need to understand WHO and that comes from coming to Him, fellowshipping with Him, knowing Him, becoming part of Him.

A Part To Play

It occurs to me that the chief enemy of doing good in this imperfect world, of loving others, of walking in the light is that it requires effort. We actually have to do something, choose something and not just once for all but over and over again. While choosing Christ brings us salvation once for all, we are called to live out that choice moment by moment and that requires effort. It requires attention and intention so that we are stayed on Jesus and aligning ourselves with His will in every choice, every time. There really is no coasting. It is the taking up of your cross daily (Luke 9:23), putting on the full armor of God and standing your ground (Ephesians 6:13), and running the race marked out for us (Hebrews 12:1). It even requires effort to "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). We are called to be involved and engaged in what God is doing. We are not placeholders. He has a plan and a purpose for each one of us (Jeremiah 29:11) and we are to play our part.

There is a huge fear factor in that knowledge because of our fear of failure and our insecurity about our own value. We'd rather not be responsible for showing up and doing our part in case we mess it up, disappointing and perhaps even harming those who are counting on us. We'd rather just be part of the audience, part of the experience, a face in the crowd. I think this because we tend to think we are responsible for the results. But the enabling power to bear the fruit comes from God. The end of the play is not dependent on us. We are responsible for the part we are called to do so that we can share in what God has done. God doesn't need us in order to produce fruit. He wants us to share in the benefits of producing fruit.

Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:4-5

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last... John 15:16

It takes effort to remain in God, to stay focused on Him, to follow him. But the victory has already been won, the outcome known. That knowledge should release us from the fear of ultimate failure and make the effort sustainable.

Doing Good

"Use every chance you have for doing good, because these are evil times." -- Ephesians 5:16

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people..." -- Galatians 6:9

I stumbled upon these two verses in the same day and it struck me again that we are called by God to focus on the positive in this life, fully aware that it is difficult to do so because the times are evil and we do not see the harvest immediately.

We are instructed to look past circumstances and find a chance, an opportunity to do good and then to do it. I think we too often look past the opportunities to do good that we find because we don't see how they are going to "pan out" for good. We don't see how what we plant in that opportunity could ever be harvested into anything that amounts to much.

But as a speaker at my church recently said "We do the planting and the watering and God does the growing." In a way that's much easier. I'm off the hook for producing the fruit. I just have to look for places that seem to need some water or a seed or a little weeding and then do that, trusting God to produce the harvest at the right time.

The Happiest Place On Earth

My husband and I recently returned from a week-long vacation with our children to Disneyland - known to all as The Happiest Place on Earth. Like countless other parents we spent months planning and preparing for this visit. We bought guidebooks, subscribed to podcasts, visited websites, etc. in order to make the best use of our time and make a "magical" memory for our children.

My husand and I also have a small group from our church meeting in our home. Currently, we are studying the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn. In that book, he talks about how after Christ returns Heaven will come down to Earth and God will dwell with his resurrected people on Earth forever. Heaven will be on Earth. As his people, we will live in the happiest place on earth for eternity.

"I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21: 2-4

Alcorn makes the point that few people prepare for their eternal destination with anything approaching the same intensity or anticipation that we do for a week-long vacation. I would have to agree. Even though we are studying Heaven, I am certain that I thought about Disneyland far more in the six months leading up to the trip than I did about Heaven. Perhaps it is because I don't know when I will be going to Heaven. I fall into the trap of believing I have time to think about, plan for, etc. for eternity - the Scarlett O'Hara syndrome (I will think about it tomorrow) . It occurs to me that my life would be very different if I could keep before me that I am going to Heaven and what waits for me there. If I thought of it and attended to it even only as much as I did our trip to Disneyland, I suspect that I would find an incredible amount of joy and peace in dealing with the "troubles" of this world.

I love Disneyland. I can't wait to return. There is so much I want to experience again and things I've still never gotten around to (Mr. Lincoln). And yet, it is time that I begin to develop the same attitude about Heaven. There are fewer (reliable anyway) guidebooks (okay, only one) to explore. Still, I believe what I learn will color what I do in the meantime, until I get there, with the same grace found there.

Amazing Freedom

(The above is from the movie Amazing Grace, well worth seeing.)

Whether the chains are on your body or in your thoughts, slavery marks you with a lie - that you belong not to God but to what enslaves you - be it another person, an addiction, your past, whatever. It seeks to make you believe that you have no choices and therefore no power and ultimately no worth - that you are not redeemable for who would redeem what is of no value.

Victor Frankl, a concentration camp survivor said that "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." We choose how to respond to the circumstances of our life. We do not have to be bound (enslaved) by what our body says or our head says. We can choose to respond from the spirit part of us, the part that was made in God's image, that will stand before His throne washed clean through the sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross, redeemed and embraced. When we respond from that part of our nature, we can do all things through Christ because we are responding from the part that is Christ in us. The body and head will surely object because God's ways are not the ways of the world but they will follow when we give the lead to the new nature, the new identity that is placed in us at salvation. The choice of who gets to lead is ours at every moment in every circumstance.

At the women's conference I just returned from the speaker said, "Whoever gets the I is in charge." I am a new a new creation in Christ. My body may be aging and far too "fluffy" for it's own good. My head may have a mile long list of things I must do and things I must not do (for they are too dangerous, time-consuming, expensive, silly, etc.). But I (the real me, the spirit) can still choose to align myself with the God of the universe, allow him to work in me and through me to demonstrate his character and his love. My head says I am not a patient person. Yet, God is patient and He is in me. Therefore, I am patient. As long as I keep the I with the spirit part of me, my head can object all it likes but it doesn't get to choose how I respond to the stimulus and I can then choose to respond patiently.

Freedom is the proclamation that you belong to God - first, foremost, always and forever. Respond from that truth and miracles will follow you.

May you have a joyous, amazing Easter

Bought

When you adopt, particularly internationally, the cost is always on someone's mind and often that gets expressed very poorly. Recently a woman on my adoption e-mail group, who has been waiting almost a year for her referral , got the "Why is it taking so long, you're buying the baby aren't you" comment. She was asking the group how they dealt with such comments.

Typically, I've responded to comments about the costs of adoption by saying that doctors and nurses don't help you bring your baby into the world out of the goodness of their hearts. It's just for most people the true costs are hidden by insurance coverage. With adoption, however, the costs of getting your child home are not hidden.

Later, as I was driving home listening to a new scripture set to music CD, the song for 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 came on.

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

It then occured to me that the truest response to such comments is "We were all bought...Christ paid the highest price to bring each one of us home. The money I paid people to help me bring my child home from China doesn't compare to the price that was paid for me and for you."

I know that right before I accepted Christ as my savior one of the most difficult concepts for me to grasp was that this price had already been paid and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It was in the past. I desperately didn't want Christ to have had to die for me (me not being worthy of such a sacrifice and all). I eventually realized that it was a done deal and the only thing that was within my control was to accept that the price had been paid or to reject it. Rejecting it wouldn't take away one bit of the sacrifice or the suffering anymore than my being a "good" person would lessen what He did or make what He did unnecessary. It was already done. Nothing I could do now more than 2000 years after the fact would change what had been done or why it had been done. The only question was - would I benefit from it? Would I accept that the price for me was paid and the way home was now open?

Now that I've had my daughter home for nearly two years, the cost seems inconsequential. I am beginning to realize that perhaps God takes such delight in me, and each of his children, that he truly doesn't count the cost to bring us home.

Whatever

As a mother of a two-year-old, I am subject to much conversation that is well, unintelligible, no matter how many times I ask her to repeat herself. To avoid consenting to anything I didn't mean to or triggering the meltdown for saying no, I often find myself giving the noncommittal "Whatever" reply.

Recently, I saw that on a mug in a Christian catalog and thought, well that's not exactly the positive, inspiring wares you're used to seeing there. Then I read the description and realized that inside the word on the mug was Philipians 4:8 -

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

That really caught my attention and made me realize that so much of life really is how you look at it. You can choose to view something negatively or you can choose to think about "such things" through the lens of what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy.

Walking In The Light

My husband proposed to me at Cape Meares Lighthouse so I found a wedding invitation that had a lighthouse on it. It also featured a couple walking on the beach. I wanted a Bible verse on it as well and Isaiah 2:5 fit perfectly with the image on the invitation.

In the nearly seven years now since our wedding, I have reflected on that verse and whether or not it has turned out to have any special meaning in our family's life. Over the course of the last year, I believe that it does. I have come to realize that it is very easy to allow the circumstances of the world to overwhelm you and to be beaten down by the darkness of the world and the sin - intentional or accidental - that pervades it. I am beginning to realize that walking in the light of the LORD means focusing on Him, who He is and what He has done for us. It is intentionally looking to the light and not focusing on the darkness of the world. We are in the world but we are called to walk in it in the light of the Lord, with His power available to us to respond rather than react to the circumstances we encounter. It truly is a choice. We don't really know how God intends to use the circumstances He puts us in but "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him" (Romans 8:28).

How would our lives be different if we really believed that, trusted that? I think we would walk in the light. And it is my goal to begin to do that, to walk in the light.